mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
