whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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