Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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