I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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