And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
