I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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