I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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