I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You ate ashes out of my bong
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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