Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
