He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
