I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
