Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
