Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
