Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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