yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
