Can i not drive my cunt home
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
