I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
