You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
