thus making me awesome and them whores
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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