Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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