dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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