yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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