As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
