ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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