is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Let the clothes fall where they may.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
