I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
