the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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