Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
