Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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