Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
