So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
porn star boner night. come get it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
