I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
