I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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