I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
