i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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