Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
