apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
