If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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