I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
