I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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