I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
