you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
