I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
