it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
