i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
