oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
