Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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