guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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