so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
