i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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