What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
