Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You left your phone here
Wait...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
