You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
