coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...