My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness