i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here