Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.