If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico