Texts From Last Night

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Get your penis over here NOW. emergency

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(402): Get your penis over here NOW. emergency http://tfl.nu/eywx

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out

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(412): I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out http://tfl.nu/phlg

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(+61): View more from Australia

it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'

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(+61): it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride' http://tfl.nu/25m4

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(979): View more from Texas

A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.

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(979): A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her. http://tfl.nu/dqlo

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(719): View more from Colorado

I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"

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(719): I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!" http://tfl.nu/n0v3

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(314): View more from Missouri

also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!

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(314): also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!! http://tfl.nu/6chb

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem

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(832): Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem http://tfl.nu/ll71

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(310): View more from California

Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.

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(310): Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping. http://tfl.nu/k0y4

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(530): View more from California

So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"

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(530): So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU" http://tfl.nu/a6ng

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(912): View more from Georgia

Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.

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(912): Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks. http://tfl.nu/l0wp

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(647): View more from Ontario

I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.

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(647): I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back. http://tfl.nu/pcjm

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(803): View more from South Carolina

thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...

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(803): thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling... http://tfl.nu/yt8z

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(204): View more from Manitoba

So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"

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(204): So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you" http://tfl.nu/y1sq

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(407): View more from Florida

Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.

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(407): Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck. http://tfl.nu/ldxl

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."

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(860): I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off." http://tfl.nu/975o

Replies (8) Good night (1129) Bad night (161)

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