Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.