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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
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