Texts From Last Night

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(309): View more from Illinois

she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it

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(309): she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it http://tfl.nu/dnda

Replies (7) Good night (615) Bad night (292)
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(716): View more from New York

You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.

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(716): You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night. http://tfl.nu/x8q0

Replies (7) Good night (965) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
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(330): View more from Ohio

Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.

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(330): Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me. http://tfl.nu/h3wh

Replies (3) Good night (1021) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?

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(215): Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/vjuq

Replies (11) Good night (1682) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.

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(615): Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often. http://tfl.nu/4yb3

Replies (8) Good night (1865) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.

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(610): Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey. http://tfl.nu/1z5r

Replies (5) Good night (1165) Bad night (234)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?

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(513): Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail? http://tfl.nu/pghy

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.

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(715): How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it. http://tfl.nu/19iz

Replies (13) Good night (314) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
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(907): View more from Alaska

Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"

(414): View more from Wisconsin

I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea

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(907): Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed" (414): I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea http://tfl.nu/3884

Replies (19) Good night (668) Bad night (1619)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.

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(970): I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out. http://tfl.nu/m1u8

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(732): View more from New Jersey

That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.

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(732): That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go. http://tfl.nu/exr6

Replies (5) Good night (1039) Bad night (146) Order T-Shirt
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(541): View more from Oregon

I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason

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(541): I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason http://tfl.nu/z5wn

Replies (26) Good night (327) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
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(941): View more from Florida

I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.

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(941): I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies. http://tfl.nu/7vuv

Replies (4) Good night (970) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
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(905): View more from Ontario

you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.

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(905): you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed. http://tfl.nu/nsl5

Replies (13) Good night (2701) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
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(757): View more from Virginia

I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.

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(757): I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet. http://tfl.nu/keov

Replies (8) Good night (441) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt

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