Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.