I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.