Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.