my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?