I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.