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    (416): View more from Toronto

    He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

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    Replies (18) Good night (7803) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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    (620): View more from Kansas

    Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?

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    Replies (32) Good night (837) Bad night (5270) Order T-Shirt
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    (318): View more from Louisiana

    I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now

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    Replies (14) Good night (4227) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
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    (508): View more from Massachusetts

    Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"

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    Replies (26) Good night (1747) Bad night (2250) Order T-Shirt
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    (818): View more from California

    i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign

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    Replies (7) Good night (472) Bad night (3253) Order T-Shirt
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    (603): View more from New Hampshire

    Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?

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    Replies (24) Good night (2865) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
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    (303): View more from Colorado

    You made eat vitamins until I threw up

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    Replies (8) Good night (350) Bad night (2536) Order T-Shirt
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    (317): View more from Indiana

    He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.

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    Replies (8) Good night (371) Bad night (2795) Order T-Shirt
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    (203): View more from Connecticut

    our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.

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    Replies (3) Good night (1835) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
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    (603): View more from New Hampshire

    I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.

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    Replies (9) Good night (2791) Bad night (838)
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    (703): View more from Virginia

    This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.

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    Replies (8) Good night (1780) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
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    (405): View more from Oklahoma

    It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.

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    Replies (13) Good night (404) Bad night (2613) Order T-Shirt
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    (325): View more from Texas

    The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am

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    Replies (11) Good night (601) Bad night (2138) Order T-Shirt
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    (415): View more from California

    i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.

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    Replies (6) Good night (443) Bad night (2241) Order T-Shirt
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    (904): View more from Florida

    I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.

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    Replies (22) Good night (826) Bad night (3611) Order T-Shirt
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  • (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tinyurl.com/tflniphone
  • (310): Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
  • (970): And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
  • (714): the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
  • (305): nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
  • (717): and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

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