Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE