found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.