If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.