Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?