some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night