on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped