I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
