did you get engaged???
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
