grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
