and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
send nudes
from the living room?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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