How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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