What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.