Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver