I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
